f/p again.

oh nothing. just refreshing the memories of having ‘butterflies flying rapidly with very high velocity inside my tummy’. another happy booster for this year. i seriously don’t understand why i like this guy, except for his hands. his hands people, are exactly the type i’d fall for. i apparently fall for hands, trust me, i do.

huh, let me tell you one damn secret i’ve been keeping.

my first very serious crush was someone like Kibum. The hair (exactly the same hairstyle) and he has ‘the hands’. I have to say dude, you even look a lot like Kibum, shorter that is.

suddenly.

1. I need to memorize a Korean song. at least one. yeah, I know, call myself a k-pop fan. I can remember anything except people’s birthdays and song lyrics.

2. learn a dance. ok, let’s make that very clear – I need to do the Sorry sorry dance by next week. Next fecking week.

3. Why? because I need to be ‘versatile’.

4. Suddenly, I have butterflies in my tummy with the mention of Lee Jonghyun of CN Blue, Song Junggi, the MC for Music Bank and Beast/B2ST or whatever they are called. Suddenly.

5. Bless 96.3 fm.

6. Next week is Kyuhyun’s birthday. I have a hectic week coming, and the charming Kyuhyun is lifting my mood 24/7.

7. YEAY FOR CN BLUE! <blargh>

weekly bites

semua orang dah cakap, my job is to emphasize.

fecking form five is fabulously tiring. fetish.

bright side, meja kerusi baru. lebar, stable, most importantly made of wood. meja kayu is very rare in my school.

sad thing, i’m sitting way at the back and these eyes of mine are just no superhero. can’t see a damn thing, thank god the person sitting next to me has cyclop’s eyes.

no complaints on the teacher. tak baik, berkat lari.

my schedule is rather pathetic. i’ll reach home from school at 2.45 p.m and at 3.15 the tuition bus is fetching me. blargh, can’t even breathe for i need to pray, mandi and makan in 30 minutes, which usually tak sempat and end up me naik bas tanpa makan (ARGH!) & pakai tudung chenchai.

but i still watch tv, despite homework bertimbun. i call that visual therapy.

sports day. aaaaahhh, hell. chikai. the only thing i did masa latihan is ‘running’ away from my teacher so that i won’t have to do the sprints and lompat jauh etc.

my life is a bore.

i’ve been reading quite a lot though. god bless MPH, Popular and Harris. it sucks that kinokuniya (spell?) is not here in jb.

oh yeah! another Lee adding to my long list of k-boy crushes. Lee Jonghyun.
Guys with awesome hair, plays an instrument or two( preferably the guitar) and from the Lee clan  just turn me on.

i also am very sure i hate guys from boys school. you know which school i’m talking about. they made me, the very shy (haha?) and not-so-confident me feel pathetic and useless. and not attractive. hell i don’t care (singing the 2NE1 song). you people ain’t gonna crush me and my world. at least i have something in common with cho kyuhyun. we are attractive geeks. (excuse my manner, it runs in the blood : ke-perasan-an)

Mr. Cho

Do you know why I really hate myself?

I change my mind easily.

I am not a k-pop fan before, and I swore to never be a fangirl, but things change. I wish I have friends that I can share this craze with – Yana and Biela for God’s sake I miss you guys. I am like the one and only crazy k-pop fan in school (OK, in my small group of friends) and the only one on Facebook that is posting stuff that none of my friends care for.

I’m not nagging! I just miss my friends. Friends that are interested in these stuff.

Cho Kyuhyun. You remind me the most of my so-called-first-very-serious-crush.

And I probably like him because he is like you? (No idea in what way, he’s not a gamer, more of an athlete. But he does have a good voice. You are better, of course)

(My mr.first crush, you are probably Kyuhyun+Kibum. Epic la aku!)

I just wish I’m 19 right now, so that I can go to your concert. But eight reasons why I should not go :

One, I am afraid to travel alone, or even if with a friend all the way to KL.
Two, I’d rather spend RM200 to buy books than to just sit and shout your name.
Three, I’m afraid that I’d faint once I see your face.
Four, fancam videos will be on Youtube.
Five, I can’t sing any of your songs eloquently (yet).
Six, I can die, suffocated by the crowd.
Seven, I just don’t go to concerts, never been in one and will probably never want to go to one.
Eight, I will be meeting you 10 years later. All polished as a lady, with a stable source of income and (very average kind of) pretty. Then, I will confess my feelings, and tell you how much you had helped me to smile on those bad days. How your voice lullabied me to sleep. How I wish to marry you, but if you say no, I won’t mind.

So, Cho KyuHyun, you will have to wait. I will have to wait.

(kind of frustrated)

Yesterday I thought of banner texts. I can be silly sometimes.

“Rip your shirt off please!”
Siwon.

Nowadays, people (mostly my friends lol) are looking at me in an eerie kind of way : “No fucking way she’s that horny. Oh shit, she’s contaminated!”
I’m a human. I’m a girl. I have ovaries. and I’m normal. deal with it.

I just wrote a long post on Super Junior, and WordPress didn’t want to post it. Like…urghh!

Side note, ramai betul orang kahwin/mengandung/dapat baby sejak dua menjak ni.

On his birthday

Today, I’ve realized :

• The people I thought never cared for me actually cared for me.
• No one really understand me.
• I have been keeping secrets, and I am good at it.
• I prefer Changmin to Chansung. 2AM to 2PM. Nerdiness to Hotness.
• I am very picky.
• I don’t know how to eat pau.
• All I want is someone I can trust. and someone I can share my visions and thoughts with. Someone to hold onto and to believe in.
• My ideology of relationship is burdening. And stressful to some.
• I loathe the work ‘puki’. Don’t ever curse with that in front of me.
• I talk to strangers better.
• I am actually a good, protective sister. I am just so wrapped up with work (school) too much that I forgot the sisterhood gestures and words of warmth.
• I don’t really know Malaysian food. I eat whatever my mum gave me, which most are healthy (sort-of) food that she invented herself. No wonder I’m a weirdo!
• I am pretty good at teaching.
• It’s a school night and I’m blogging and I still have homework.

p/s : Happy Birthday Lee Seung Gi!

704

• Taec may be hot whatsoever, but Chansung attracted me like a magnet. I’ve been watching 2PM, studying every single member (and yet to know and learn their names) and you bet Chansung hit me right to the core. He has the coolest hair, and maybe with less eyeliner, my stomach may just burst again and again (oh the song!). Speaking of which, he should never do this often because it is very distracting (in a very awesome but one hell of a trouble to stay focus {in the prospect of studying of course} kind of way).

Life So Far.

Hi guys! Miss me? Haha, like someone would ever miss me

Life so far..OK I guess. Still very busy with school, friends and I have a life. Hence, the lack of facebook,blogging, YM and etc. Except for Tumblr which I visit once in a while because my boyfriend(s) are too cute to miss. Har har, tak habis-habis.

This year : I am looking forward to great things.

I just feel like the good luck charm I had when I was in Form 3 magically came back to me. I did consider Form 3 to be one of my best years – I did well in studies and my co-curricular activities, friends were awesome, I nearly got myself a good decent guy and I was extra rajin and overall awesome. Haha, this is so masuk bakul angkat sendiri.

So my routine everyday, school from 6.30 to 2.30 p.m. My younger sister is joining me in this school, and I feel like a total grown up since I need to take good care of her. I didn’t acquire myself with too much tuition this year, only Add Maths, Physics and Accounts. and I’ve decided one thing.

I want to be a teacher. a Physics teacher. Like, WTF kan? I hate Physics! But I guess that’s my charm. (buweek!) For every single thing I hate, I try to push myself harder to love that thing. In the end, I will love the thing I initially hated for life.

OK, it’s 7.30 in the morning and I’m blogging! I’m going to JB today and will probably drop by the Jom Ke U exhibition.

Till then ta ta!

x0×0,
A.Lee (my initials in my workbooks!)

I won’t ask you to marry me.

twenty o nine

Initially this post today was going to be about a dream I had last night, how this year was so bad and lame resolutions. But I wish to put everything aside and have a little moment of myself right now.

First and foremost, I’d like to offer my deepest condolence to two of Leonie’s friends who just lost a best friend and the other a grandma. These people might not know me, or even if they do, despite the fact than I’m nobody and a stranger, may Allah bless them – the people you once laughed and cried with, those who Allah had picked to be with him, earlier than any of us. Al-Fatihah.

Death.

I have never thought about death. I lost a grandmother and I never cried once for losing her. I slept during her funeral and didn’t even read Yassin for her. I’m not very proud of that. and I was not young back then, I was 14. Fourteen is not young.

I thought back then it was OK to not feel sad, I was never close to my grandmother and I never grew up with her. So, it was expected for me not to feel her lost too much.

But come to think of it, I am possibly that cold-hearted. I was not touched, a bit. If not for she being my grandmother, at least as another human being I should be touched, I should be in sorrow because another human being is leaving us. But I just didn’t.

.

I question many of my actions, for the past five years. Why did I do that? Why didn’t I do this? Why did I chose that? Why didn’t I chose this? Why me? Why not them? Why and why.

It all came to one conclusion – everything happened because it was meant to happen and even if I turn back time, things will still be the same.

2009 was not the best year but I came to decide the worst year of my life had it’s reason – to be my best.

I learned a lot this year.

Mostly, on friendship. I sulked myself in total friendship ignorance for the past four years, I’ve been sitting alone in my own cubicle not daring anyone to enter or myself to step out of it, I believe being friends to only my dear-self would help but I was wrong. And 2009, thank you for one thing. For Leonie.

I was never comfortable with anyone – even my best friends in school. But with you – I felt very different. I felt that I don’t have to be perfect or smart or pretty because you never made me feel imperfect or stupid or ugly. We are particularly similar and alike, in our point of views and likings and I wonder how ‘magical’ it was to meet you.

Both of us are still young, and we have a long way to go. And through that journey, I hope you’re still there in the picture, as my best friend, as my other half. You my dear twin, believe it or not is the only person I’d like to have as my child’s Godmother because I am very sure if I die not being able to see the poor kid(s) growing up, you would raise them as how I would.

Greater friends, namely Natasha, Azreen, Anis, Khairina, Liyana, Nabila, Dinishwary, Guppy and many others. Thank you. for everything.

I went through so many phases of hormonal changes. I finally gave up on the guy I liked ever since I was 14. I actually rebelled and made my mother cried twice and my father in deep disappointment.

Yet, without 2009, I would have never learned. Despite the chaos, I thank God.

twentyten?

I want to be a better person, with a better perspective, better appreciation, according to my definition and degree of ‘better’. I want to be myself, I’m finally deciding to shape myself up, to build a personality. I want my seventeen to be the best, a journey I won’t forget. The road might be bumpy but now I know who to hold onto and to trust if I fall or if I’m lost. and to move on – meaning I will find myself a descent boyfriend because I would still like someone to wait for me with flowers in his arms on the last day SPM, outside my school. WTF? It’s my dream since I was 13 and there’s no way I’m giving up now ^.^

Happy New Year everyone!